Breastfeeding doesn't have to be perfect: why comparing yourself to other mothers can make you insecure

When you are pregnant or have just become a mother, an enormous amount of information comes your way. From books and social media to well-intentioned advice from family, friends and other parents. This can be very valuable, but sometimes also overwhelming.

What strikes me most is how quickly mothers compare themselves to others. One mother has a freezer full of expressed breast milk, another seems to breastfeed exclusively for months without effort, and yet another shares a strict feeding schedule that seems to work perfectly.

But behind those stories often lies a reality you don't see.

In this blog, I want to share something that I find important myself: breastfeeding doesn't have to be perfect. Every mother, every baby, and every breastfeeding journey is different. It is precisely when you accept this that more peace and confidence often arise.

Comparing is very human, but doesn't tell the whole story

Almost every mother does it sometimes. You wonder if your baby drinks often enough, whether you produce enough milk, or why another mother seems to express much more. Especially on social media, it sometimes seems as if everything comes easily to others.

But social media usually only shows a small part of reality.

You might see a photo of a full freezer with breast milk, but not how many pumping sessions preceded it. You read a success story about breastfeeding, but not always about the moments of uncertainty, pain, or doubt.

This can easily lead to thoughts like:

• Why do I express less milk than she does?
• Shouldn't my baby drink longer or more often?
• Why can't I pump right away?
• Do I have enough milk?
• Am I doing something wrong?

These are very understandable questions. At the same time, it's important to realize that another mother's situation is almost never directly comparable to yours.

The amount you pump only tells part of the story

One of the biggest misconceptions about pumping is that the amount of expressed milk accurately shows how much milk you produce. It's not that simple.

Every mother reacts differently to a breast pump. Some women express a relatively large amount of milk easily, while others express less even though their baby feeds well at the breast. Therefore, pump output is not automatically a good measure of your total milk production.

Every baby also has its own rhythm. One baby drinks quickly and efficiently, while another baby drinks smaller amounts more often. Sleep rhythm, age, growth spurts, and nutritional needs all play a role.

What works perfectly for one family may not be suitable at all for another.

My experience is that more peace often arises when mothers stop looking for the 'perfect schedule' and learn to look more at their own situation. Reliable information can help with this, but ultimately you learn mostly by getting to know your own baby better and better.

A full freezer of breast milk is not an end in itself

You regularly see impressive milk stashes online. It's understandable that this might give you the idea that you should also have dozens of bags of breast milk on hand.

But that's not necessary at all.

A large supply is simply not necessary in many situations. If you have enough milk for what your baby needs and possibly some extra milk for times when you are not present, that can be perfectly fine.

Moreover, producing more is not automatically better. Overproduction can actually cause problems, such as engorged breasts, excessive leaking, or blocked ducts.

So try not to just look at the number of milliliters in a bottle. Look at the bigger picture.

What can you pay attention to instead?

Instead of comparing yourself to another mother, there are a few things that are much more relevant to your own situation:

1. Look at your baby
How is your little one doing? Growth, development, sufficient wet diapers, and your baby's general well-being provide important information. If you have doubts about growth or feeding, discuss this with the child health clinic or another expert.

2. Look at yourself
Breastfeeding and pumping may sometimes involve trial and error, but persistent pain or a lot of stress deserves attention. Don't unnecessarily carry that around with you.

3. Look at what is feasible for you
Full breastfeeding, exclusive pumping, or combining breast and bottle feeding: there is no single approach that is best for every family.

I find that last point very important. A feeding or pumping routine should not only work well on paper but also fit into your daily life.

When is it wise to ask for help?

Not comparing yourself, of course, does not mean you should ignore concerns. Good information and professional guidance can be incredibly helpful when you have doubts about something.

For example, do you have persistent pain while feeding or pumping, are you worried about your baby's growth, or is your milk production unexpectedly decreasing significantly? Then it is wise to have someone look into it.

A lactation consultant can, for example, help with questions about latching, pumping, milk production, and the correct breast shield size. For questions about your baby's health or growth, you can contact the child health clinic, your general practitioner, or another involved healthcare professional.

Asking for help does not mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes, one practical adjustment can already alleviate much uncertainty.

Trust grows with experience

What I hear repeatedly in conversations with mothers is that trust usually doesn't develop overnight. It grows.